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HappinessISjustATEARDROPaway
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Name: Liza
Metro:
Gender: Female
Interests: Soccer,Volleyball, Softball, Reading, Writing, Sleeping, Singing, Dancing, Spanish, Art, TAB, Debate, I LOVE MY FRIENDS AT THE HUMANITIES CENTER and I LOVE MY GERTIES!!! GO CLASS OF PINK AND BLACK!!!.................. ^_^ and of course...I LOVE RADFORD!!!! **hugs to all**
Expertise: um.... I don't know..... I don't think I'm an expert at anything... but I'm open for suggestions on what to try!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art, Special Education, Music,
Message: message me
AIM:  lizzardkeeper17
AIM:  lizzardkeeper17@aim.com
ICQ:  http://blog.myspace.com/lizagraham
Member Since:
6/5/2005
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| This really sucks! I haven't stopped crying in the last several hours and right now i feel like i could just burst out in tears at any second.... i don't want to be like this either... omg why is this happening? | | |
| Life without Dave is really really hard. It's hard to go see him online and not talk to him, it's hard to go to bed at night without telling him goodnight. I'm always about to cry, always sleepy and always thinking about him. I really miss him.....
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| November 26, 2007:
Today I talked to Dave about everything. It was odd that he said he was still uncomfortable "fooling around" because more often than not it's he initiating it. Like last night for example, he was the one kissing me continuously. I mean yes, i did kiss him back, but i certainly did not start it.
Then for him to pull the fact that it doesn't matter that we aren't dating when it obviously does matter to both of us, just in different ways. I told him or at least tried one time to get him to stop kissing me because we weren't dating and that made me uncomfortable, but it made him so upset that i just stopped trying to make him stop. Because in truth, yes, i do like him. I am attracted to him and yes, I do like having the feeling that he likes me too. I am simply trying to fix a problem I have always had, trying to feel loved. It seems that I will never get away from this. I hate having this problem because it seems everyone is ready and willing to take advantage of me. I wish I was horribly ugly! Then I would be able to know who my true friends are. I know I am not particularly beautiful, but at least I am comfortable with me. How is it that Anthony, Kendall, Brian, David, and Jack all are ready and willing to sleep with me, but the one person that I am attracted to, the kind of person I am attracted to, the kind of man I will never have, wants to have nothing to do with me and is using God as an excuse.
"God grant me the courage to change what I can,
The grace to accept that that I can't,
and the serenity to know the difference."
What am I going to do? I am almost tempted to just call everything quits and say "Lets just be friends". But I do really like him I have never met anyone like him. He's so smart and funny, and yet, just like everyone else in my life, he is hurting me. Maybe I deserve this. Some way for God to challenge me. It's true, it is easier to not believe,. But life is fuller and much more promising when you do believe. I wish I could just get a simple answer. I wish that there was just one other person like me that I could find to date that isn't like Dave in that he pushes me back into old habits. It is truly sad that my standards have become so low that i am looking for one decent guy. I don't care what he looks like, I don't care what he looks like, I don't care how much money he makes. I don't care about anything so long as I can have a decent conversation with him, he can make me smile and he will cuddle with me. I am done with sex and smoking and binge drinking. I am done with all the drugs! and I swear the next guy who even tries to hit me is going to get hit right back!
And yet, at the same time, i feel like I owe Dave a chance, although he has had plenty to try whatever. I really like him, just not the way he's acting now.
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I would give anything to take back my question and to laugh again. I was so happy and now, now I am simply sitting here thinking. I am so familiar with this feeling of fear. I am truly scared. I am alone, possibly pregnant and definitely depressed. What if I am pregnant? What if I am having a baby? I am single and have no way to support myself nor do I have any way to know who the father is! Way to screw up! I wish I could just go back and start break over. I would not have gone to that party or hung out with Anthony or Kendall. I would have never has this conversation with Dave or anything. I want my brothers back! I want Chip back! I really want to stop feeling this sick and this scared though.
I wish I was still at home. Mom gives me amazing hugs and then my back wouldn't still hurt cause my bed is better. I really do want to just curl up and cry right now. Too bad if I do then I would freak out Aaron and nothing would get accomplished. Why did Dave have to pick today to be your average asshole? Why did he have to spend the last what three weeks? leading me on?... All the hearts and "I care about you" crap... I wish he had just not done anything and not hurt me like that. I expected it from Jack and from Shawn, but I didn't expect it from Dave. Sometimes I wonder if God is truly a man, and then I remember, of course he is, no woman has this sick a sense of humor......
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| dave stayed over last night and slept with me... he was so cute! we went to bed and i got lots of kisses, and cuddled and bitten! it was really cute... ugh i'm so confused... but i really like him.... so what are we doing?!?!
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